Monday, March 9, 2009
I'm pro-love baby! Seriously though, I don't feel marriage is a requirement in a fulfilling relationship, only that it is one way to acknowledge it. Someday I might get married. I certainly hope so anyways- but that's because I want that certificate in my hand, signaling our exclusivity. I suppose I see it as a contract of sorts, one I won't enter lightly, but one that once agreed to will last me though a lifetime.
2. Have you ever invented or thought you invented a sexual position?
Hells no! I know I'm creative but credit me with a bit of intelligence here. There isn't much left in the bedroom that hasn't been done before, IF there's anything left at all.
3. Do you like to be tied up? Always or sometimes?
I have to go with sometimes on this one. I mean, I love BDSM, don't get me wrong, but there's something to be said for those gentle nights. When the music's on low, waves of love and lust floating through the air. The candles glow shines softly on your lovers skin. You move slowly, fingers trail and caress without a single nail biting in. He tells you with his hands those things he doesn't know the words to say.
Men, at least the men I've been with, are not creatures of poetry. Making love is entirely different than primal sex. I love both and each has its moment.
4. Do you consider online cybering adultery?
Perhaps- I'd say it's a slippery slope, a hill where you need to watch each step carefully.
5. Do you prefer masturbation over real sex?
For the most part, no. I like having my partner there. I like the feel of "real meat." I'm no vegetarian. ^_~
6. Do you want sex more times a day than your partner?
This one is hard to say. My partner doesn't live with me so really, I have no way of knowing. I think if he were here more often I would use sex to my advantage- meaning I would take out the stresses of the day and do the same for him. I'm sure it would be mutually beneficial.
7. Do you get offended when you partner openly flirts with others or are you okay with it?
He doesn't, at least never in front of me. I can't even recall a moment when he LOOKED at another woman for that matter. I did bring this up to him once- the looking part. He said "it would be dumb." He knew it was just one of the jerk moves and he didn't learn it from me. I don't flirt with anyone in front of him either for that matter.
8. Do you think you're flirty by nature?
By nature? Perhaps. By necessity? Definitely. I know my own needs. Attention and appreciation are some of them. I'd prefer to get them at home but if not well, I am who I am. If Mr X doesn't want to show it then I won't feel guilty for seeking out some harmless (and I do mean harmless) affection. I will never open a door when it should stay closed.
My breath catches in my throat. I wonder if he can see my hand begin to tremble. I wonder if, in fact, it's trembling at all or if it's only my fear imagining it.
I close my eyes and lean in for his touch, wanting it more than anything else I can imagine.
I open my eyes.
Last night as I was falling asleep these were the thoughts running through my head, or something of that nature. I had stayed up and it was 2:30 am. My book, Kushiel's Scion, was in the living room right where I had left it, finally finished- Next to my computer.
Last night I yearned. Sometimes it gets like this- I imagine the men I wish I could know, I create them in my mind. They are always beautiful, not always in our modern sense of it. In a way it makes my heart ache, even just giving in to imagining.
I long for passion, undisguised and unbridled- taking me against the wall with hiked skirts, a hand on my ass as I lean in to grab my bag from the car, a grip around my neck as he draws me close whispering his wants in my ear. I want this so badly. I'm afraid of dreaming of it, afraid the hope will hurt me more than its lack.
Mr X. and I have come a long way. It was just last month when we rolled around on the floor, each fighting for our own dominance. It was just yesterday where I laid on the edge of the bed, feeling him thrusting against me- wishing that old thought again, that he'd learn to take his time on me. Yesterday was unsatisfying. This weekend was unsatisfying. It used to be a common occurrence. Still, I want what I wish I could dream of.
I want skill with my passion. I want that knowing look, when a man gives that self-satisfied smirk. He doesn't have to ask a single question to know the effect he has on you- and he wants you to know it.
I want that.
You have no idea.
It seems sometimes my life is a series of wants, unfulfilled desires.
I wonder what Mr X. would think of this.
He'd probably blame me for it....
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
I dreamed I had gone to a convention of sort (comics, gaming, or something like that) alone. I was wandering around, checking stuff out and I ran into this guy. He was here on his own as well, having left his family, younger brothers, sisters, etc at home (don’t ask me how I knew that, in my dream I just did). Anyways, we hit it off well enough, in a friendly sort of way. We ran into each other a few more times throughout the day.
Jump forward to later that night. We’re hanging out in the halls. Somehow we start making out and end up having passionate, up-against-the-wall sex (literally). In my dream I knew I was cheating. We were in his room afterwards cuddling when some unexpected guests dropped by- a mom and her two children, friends of his family. Apparently they had decided to come to the con but she didn’t know if there were any other children there for her kids to play with. It was awkward for us though she didn’t notice. I subtly hinted that there were some children running around and maybe she’d like to bring her boys out to find them. She just kind of brushed it off, wanting to visit yet.
Then the phone rang irl and I woke up.
The weird thing is, in my dream the stranger (his name was Mike or Matt or something) looked JUST like my boyfriend- the one I was cheating on, my irl boyfriend of almost 2 years now. I even thought about how odd that was IN the dream. In my dream I knew cheating was wrong and was bothered by it but not as much as I should have been (thus the cuddling).
I submitted this to Em & Lo. Let's cross our fingers and hope something comes of it. I can't even decide whether or not to be upset by this dream yet. I mean, the guy did look exactly like mah man.